Toke Makinwa Opens Up About Darkest Moments Of Her Year

Nigerian socialite, Youtuber, radio personality, host and influencer, Toke Makinwa is one of the most talked about Nigerian celebrities. Toke is renowned for her confidence and her affluence. Which is why it is surprising to find out during her appearance on Tayemesan’s Tea With Tay podcast that earlier this year, Toke Makinwa almost took her own life. It is a very serious and heavy topic but Toke walks us through what was going through her mind and gives us insight as to what she believes was causing it as well as tips that can help us in our personal journeys.

Here’s what Toke Makinwa said about the ordeal.

The conversation started when Taymesan asked Toke: “We have had conversations about the times you were suicidal and it was so interesting that we didn’t know. All your friends, we had spoken to you that day, and you called me that you were suicidal and that (earlier), you were standing on the red carpet, you were glamorous but you just felt so empty…” Toke responded:

I remember the song that was even playing. It was Wizkid’s Ojuelegba and I was dancing and everybody in there did not know that a voice was saying just go home and pop it, that’s it. So I thought let me just have fun then I’ll just go home and end my life. It was that bad!

And this is the same year you have had all these opportunities and everything has worked out for you. How were you feeling at that time?”

I mean it was one of those things that I didn’t know why I was feeling a lot of emptiness. Because on the outside I’m fabulous, I’m making money, have amazing friends but I just felt empty. I just felt like ‘just leave when the praise is the loudest. When the applause is the loudest, just bow out.’

Is it for fear of not knowing what the future would hold?”

It wasn’t even thinking that much. It was just feeling like, life hasn’t gotten this good, it has now gotten this good. Don’t wait for it to turn again. It’s okay. You’ve done it all. You’ve built a brand from the scratch, you’ve inspired so many people to start on their journey, you can bow out now. Even if it’s to go and shine shoe in heaven, just go and be shining the masters shoes.

Are you saying that you probably did not have things to live for?”

There are so many things that you have to live for but it was just a mindset that I didn’t know – and again, it’s one of those things I tell people now, when the devil knows he cannot steal your destiny, he attacks your mind. Because once he attacks your mind, I mean, if he attacked my finances maybe I’ll be down a bit, I go hustle small, maybe money go still soon come back. If he attacks my marriage, ok maybe you can find another man you can marry. If he attacks your health maybe you can feel better, you can pray, you can fast. But if he ceases your mind, that is the seat of everything.